Sunday, July 05, 2009

What Makes My Life More Significant than Hers?

I dedicate this quick reflection to Samiya who came to my room last night and very sincerely spoke with me about the urge that she feels to do something about the poverty that she witnesses in her country everyday....

It is now close to three weeks that I am here in Chittagong, Bangladesh. At first, every hour felt like three days. I felt someone was stretching my days and nights here. I was anxious to return to the U.S. (or even Iran) and just be in a place where life is more comfortable. Whenever I leave the United States and start to miss “home”, I realize that the U.S. has become home for me after all. My time here has been a very fascinating chapter of my life. I find it hard to verbalize my observations and encounters in Bangladesh. It is either because I am still experiencing it or that life is simply different here and hard to describe with words that are all loaded with presumptions and connotation of all kinds. I feel the best way for me to appreciate my surroundings in Bangladesh has been to shut down any comparative perception or supposition that I might have of this place. It is one of those environments where you are just better off to take things for what they are and be flexible with what you expect and what you think should be expected of you.

Being flexible….The students of the Asian University for Women have often talked with me about “flexibility” and about how at this university they have learned to be flexible and cooperative under tough circumstances. They tell me that now that they have an opportunity to get a good education, they should be appreciative and responsible rather than demanding. I think a country like Bangladesh really does teach you some very important lessons.

The truth is that I have been thinking a lot here about the person that I have become in the United States in the past few years. Looking back, I realize that I have achieved many wonderful things in life and can proudly say that I could live and survive on my own. But, I also have forgotten many things in the past few years. I have forgotten the importance of the environment in which I live and the kinds of freedoms and opportunities that it has given me. I have forgotten the level of unconditional care, love and attention that I have received all throughout my life and that I am still receiving. Even if you are a brilliant author, artist, actress or scientist and you know that you have the potential to grow, the chances of you achieving professional and personal goals are very low if the society and your loved ones do not cooperate with you.

Sadly, I seem to have forgotten many of these wonderful opportunities and individuals who have made the beautiful life that I have possible for me. It is not that I do not remember or appreciate them…I do…It is just that in my private moments, I only seem to admire myself for the person that I am becoming. And this is sad! The truth is that many have faced many challenges and hardships for me to be where I am and that my success and my happiness belong to them, those who could benefit from my knowledge and capabilities and of course, myself.

Many talented individuals in the world have the desire, intelligence and vision to succeed and yet they have no real support to help them flourish. And those of us who do have the opportunity to live prosperous lives sometimes tend to forget that many other human beings in the world could have well been in our place.

Let me speak for myself and not others….I, for instance, sometimes cherish the struggles I have overcome and assure myself that I deserve what I have in life. But, my trip to Bangladesh has reminded me that, in fact, I am one of the most fortunate women in the world to live the life that I live and to be able to make decisions for my life….I mean, seriously, I live the life that many of the people that I have met here could only dream of. Whether or not we think that we live happy lives, many individuals in the world run their imagination wild and dream of the lives that we live, the things that we do, the places to which we travel, the food that we eat, the way we fall in love and the independence that we are allowed to obtain. In their dreams they replace you and I with themselves and enjoy the surreal images that pass through their eyes in disbelief.

I look around me here and keep thinking and wondering, “Azadeh, what makes you and your life more significant than this child whose bones are deformed due to malnutrition and who is banging against the window of your car and begging for your money? What makes your future more important than hers? Who decided that her life was going to be a million times harder than yours? Who decided that she should wash herself in some of the dirtiest gutters of Bangladesh and that you should shower with clean water? What motivates her to smile at smaller things in life and what makes happiness so damn difficult for you? When exactly did the world decide that you could live the life that she can’t even dream of and that she should live the life that is way worse than your worst nightmare?”

I don’t really know….All I know is that the life that I live is bigger than even the fluffiest dreams of millions in this world. What could I do other than swallowing my tears and looking away so that my eyes do not meet the eyes of that child? She and I both know that somewhere, somehow and for some odd reason someone in the world decided that my life is more significant than hers...that my wellbeing, comfort and future are more "important" than hers and that I am "better" than her….But why? Really why?

Note: Please do not assume that I am implying that poverty only exists in Bangladesh or that everyone in Bangladesh live miserable lives. All I am trying to say is that in a country like Bangladesh where poverty is more widespread and visible, you begin to remember the reality of other people's life that you have conviniently forgotten...that's all!


At 1:28 PM, July 05, 2009, Anonymous Anonymous said...

your life is in no way "Better" than that just have WAY more privileage!

At 4:55 PM, July 06, 2009, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Azadeh, it is your Mummy who decided in 2001 that you should have a better life (in your case in the US). OK, in Iran you were not living in poverty, but right now you might have been in prison.. knowing you a little bit I bet you would have been among the protesters.

Lots of love,

At 11:46 PM, July 06, 2009, Blogger Azadeh Pourzand said...

Dear Lucy
I know what you mean. I, in fact, am living with that feeling of guilt of not being in Iran. But I guess maybe we all at some point have to pick our battle and focus on one thing or another. I often find myself feeling irrelevant nowadays when I think about Iran and what is happening to that country and its people. what what could I do from here, Lucy?

Much Love

At 12:25 AM, October 01, 2010, Blogger Mahsa said...

Dear Azadeh,

Thanks for this note. It brought tears to my eyes.

I was thinking about the name Azadeh today, and then, at a later time when I was no longer thinking about the name, I somehow landed on your blog. As I read this particular passage, I realized that I was thinking about your name earlier. As though I somehow knew that I would learn about you...




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